A wound that I nurtured

I know it sounds gross but I actually have a very nasty boil on my stomach, and boy it hurts L L. Something that I cant control but I have to nurture it round the clock, taking care that no one bangs into me or I sure will bang them. I almost feel like a pregnant woman, who is taking care of her baby. The main difference here is I don’t want this baby. Due to this I am super cranky, feverish, irritated and practically bed ridden.

Apart from my very defective body, I also have a defective ear (I am partly deaf). This is the occurrence of my constant endeavor with the ear bud. The ear bud company is fine, but I just like to attack the root cause of the situation (pun intended). Nothing that I can do now, but take care of it and ensure it gets better. If you look at it, many things can be controlled. Like my little experiment my weight for the matter of fact are the main cause of the boil.

Just like that all of us nurture certain wounds from relationships. My mother, sister, father, friend, colleagues any body. We all just find a reason to continue nurturing this wound. Not matter how bad or rotten, we still need it like a constant reminder of what happened to us. Let go people. Life is too short for all this mess. You have two options in life either you hold or you let go and embrace the future. The choice is all ours.

Nurture the joy not the pain, nurture the happiness not the sorrow. Its your life make a choice and make it fast.

PS – It hurts man… sob sob…. L L

The God of convenience's

I can't get up on Sunday morning to go to church .. Why do I need to pray only on a Wednesday and Friday... Why fast... God does not want to see me hungry.. Blah blah blah!!!

There are rules and there are people who follow it religiously. Whether it has meaning or not but we still do. We twist and turn custom as per our comfort. This little piece of information is true for all cultures and religions.

Incident 1: The broken statue

I was cleaning my alter at home and there I notice that one of mother Mary's statue is broken. Since I have another statue I will absolutely fine to discard it. So I keep this on the table and tell my mom to discard it. Mom in return informs me that she will do it next week when she goes to church. Which simply translates to leave it, I will do when when I feel. So being a little irritated, I volunteered to do it my self. My sister is super upset because I am practically throwing away God from my house. She asks me " how will u discard it". I said I will throw it in the dustbin what else. To which she is hysterical and give me a look as if I have just ordered the destruction of the planet. I then go on to ask her what to do, to which she says either u give it to the church or put it in the water. I have a really hard time absorbing this information and I jump asking her "what".. Her usual response " what, what??" Just don't use ur brains and do it. The conversation gets more interesting. What will the church do?. The and was more amusing. Let them do whatever they want you don't use ur head.

The church would also crush these statues and then dispose them in the dustbin. Most of these statues are made of plastic so discarding them in water is the worst idea thus spoiling the most beautiful creation of God.

Incident no 2-

My neighbour is a nice, very religious lady. Her day starts with cleaning the house , then taking a shower, prayers etc. One day she saw me throwing away my used garland in the regular waste. She hysterically asks me "yeh kya kar rahi hain" (what are u doing). I said " kachra phek rahin hoo" .  As per her I should preserve this in a plastic bag and then respectfully throw it away. That's exactly what she does. So all those flowers will be rotting away in a plastic for a month and its finally given to someone to dispose them of. I was just curious.. What's different in what I do. I just have a daily process and not monthly activity. I tried to explain all these facts, but it was to no avail.

Incident 3-
Same Aunty has a fast today. And she's stocked up sabudana, mungfali , potatoes, fruits, some singhada atta paratha etc etc. All these things ensure that you stomach is over stuffed so its technically not a fast. The sages who introduced these wanted to pass on a simple message. Let your body relax and your mind be nourished . but then we have made it convenient for us all.  Upwas mein yeah sab chalta hain.

Incident 4 -  The ganpati pandal.

I have amazing memories of this festival
It included a ten day celebrations in the form of melas , food, orchestra etc. But now it's so commercialised. During one of these days I visited on pandal and my.. It was beautiful. But the issue with this was the music,while we were waiting in line the songs that we heard were munni badnaam hui and sheila ki jawani. People are visiting a holy place you can play this crap. Some men in the crowd start swaying to this in the line. I don't get it. Why do we have to commercialise God?

All these incidents are from my experience with God. From where you belong, any religious, caste, community, does not matter. Our rituals are all the same. God is not found only in temples or churches or in statues. If you cannot keep God in your heart then you will only complicate your life.! Keep God simple and you will be happy.

Thank You Wali Aunty

Well, my day started nothing different. Same silly train, same silly life. In all this madness, reaching home early was like an achievement. It just felt like winning a gold medal in the swimming competition or like climbing the mount Everest. I reached station before the sun could actually set. In all this I got a call from my mother asking about my wear abouts. This is one activity for my mom that is equivalent to going to church or cooking etc. Its her daily job and she does it religiously. 

I receive the call and mom started her routine question, where are you, had something, did you eat wada pav etc etc. I happened to realize that she is in the train just behind me. So we decide to meet on the station and go home together. She finally arrives and we start walking together. The first halt of our epic journey was the pani puri wala. Later, as we start walking home, my mom get a call from my sister stating that my niece wants to eat chicken curry made by mom. With a big smile she leads me the the best chicken shop in the vicinity. I dont know whats best about it as all the shops sell  chicken. Nevertheless, I just walk the long journey with her. 

On our way, we make various pit stops like the pudinawala, the mirchi wala, the lasoon wala etc etc. while collecting the samaan from everyshop my mom ensured that she said "Thank You" in return. This small gesture always brought a smile to every small vendor, who now felt as important as the others. This was infectious as the next customer that they greeted was a happy one.

This entire episode brought back my memories of my childhood. Being brought up in a small city, you know the importance of smaller things in life. When i was a child i used to visit mom to various vegetable vendors in the city. Because she was a regular there all the vendors used to call her "Thank you wali Aunty". Being villager, they never knew the meaning of this word, so mom used to say thank you and translate that in Hindi saying "Dhaniywaad". The smile on their faces was unimaginably. Mom has not changed from then to now. The thank you still remains.

My mom may not have the best of resources, the world of money, but the one thing she taught us is to be humble and grounded. Where ever you go in life never forget your roots. She had her moments, her days, her anger, her reasons, her computer illiteracy, her love but she stood by us like rock solid and never left us. She is still connected with the invisible umbilical cord. I guess that what mothers do. 

Not sure if I can ever become the second "Thank you wali Aunty", but I can ensure to pass this on to my next generation. Love you mom!!!!

Me, Myself

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away to the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"

Three loves that I have finally recognised. Food, Dance and Entertainment. At the end of the day the best way to unwind is switch on the music and pretend that I am a yashraj heroine with a yashraj hero, on the Alps dancing to a romantic number just makes my day. There is no one judging you, appraising you, commenting on you but just you in the solace of time.

Trying to loose my excess weight is another challenge that I face, but as I said every problem has a solution, so I found mine. "Zumba". Weight loss in the fun way.. I found some class and enrolled for a free session. Being an Indian anything that come free brings a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face.

So I catch a fast train (out of desperation) and reach the venue around 40 mins early. Waiting at the entrance was the only option that I had. Sitting and twittering I peak through the glass and see some teenagers dancing. I was mesmerised. Not by what they did, but how they did it. At that moment I regretted not taking up my this love for dancing when I had the time. I wish I had learnt dance professionally when I was in my teens, in my 20. Life would have been different. I was this cute naive little girls lost in my own confusing world. Food became my friend instead of my strength. All that was added was the pile of excess weight on my body.

There are so many thing I regret not doing in my twenty's. And there will be so many things that I will regret not doing when I am old. Truly said, in your death bed you will not appreciate the things that you did did but the ones that you never did.

Life is tooo small. There is no rewind button. Do what you always wanted to do. Something that makes you happy. It's the moments that's build your memory not what you achieved. So lets dream and live life never to regret.

Enjoy!!!!

Engagment Hustle

This post is dedicated to my best friend Amisha..... The woman who knows me much better than I do my self. I love you Sweetheart..muaaahhh...

Here I am sitting at her engagement party. I am super excited, more than her (I guess). I reach the venue all decked up and try to locate the bride. Completely unaware of the setting I find myself a seat and start looking out for the princess in the crowd. Suddenly I see a couple walking towards the podium. For me the moment actually stood still. Amisha was looking fabulous. Like any blushing embarrassed bride she walked towards the stage and wondered whats next. She was escorted by her family to a beautiful bridal chair. She sat there a little clueless, confused. Next to a man she just met. A man who will be her husband. I was all blushing and happy for her. A little emotional too. We had waited this for this moment our entire life and we were right there. 

Suddenly, my mind is distracted,  the caterer walked in front of me carrying amazing fried corn cheese balls. Having just recovered from jaundice I was advised to maintain a strict diet and not eat any outside food.  So when I give up my very strong will, its the caterer to be blamed and its entirely his fault. I pick up just one to try and I am already in fried food heaven. The caterer again tempted me and I gobbled up more. I lost count and gave up. This was followed by chilly cheese toast, Hot Kesar milk, rabdi ... Omgggg.... everything that I wanted so desperately. I am now looking for a lawyer to file a case of mental harassment against the caterer.

Coming back to the main topic the engagement. Amisha was looking as lost as anyone would be. All I did was occasionally asked her to smile, which that girl was trying very hard to. All this got me to think about the stress that a girl has to go through on her wedding day. It looks like a military parade. Get up .. Sit down.. Put the ring. ... cut the cake ......sit down..

It's a beautiful day, for her for, her fiancee. Let them relax , understand, breathe in the moments. 

Having said that I am very very happy for her. I have seen her struggle, her tears, her love , everything and it just makes me feel like a very proud parent that my best friend is finally settling down with the man that she wants to. All the best dear. You both make an amazing couple!!!!

OMG here he comes again.. this time he set up an entire buffet. I take a glass of chaas and search for my lawyers number. 

What if there were no trees.

Good Morning everyone.

Schools is fun and educational, but the best part of my day is the time when mumma tells me a story from her childhood. When my mumma was small she had a best friend. His name was barky and  he was a tree. Yes a small tree. My munna used to tie a rope on the bark of the tree and swing on it for a long time. She also made a small tree house where she and her friends used to hide, laugh, eat snacks. It was so much fun.

With all this thoughts and stories I went to sleep and in my dreams saw my self on the tree having fun. I laughed, fell down and had lots of fun i. I woke up to realise that it was just a dream. Then when the school announced this elocution completion, the only though that Came to my mind was all the fun that the children will miss if trees are not there

I know that trees are Important. They give us food, oxygen, help in rain, reduce landslide, provide shelter. They help purify the environment. But what they do most is give us the joy and love that we children need. The opportunity to play, climb trees, get wet in the rain. Tree make this earth look beautiful . they make us live healthy. Therefore save trees for us children and for the future.

Thank you.

It My Choice, It My life - Respect it

Before you all start thinking about the connectivity between this blog and most famous/controversial video by Deepika Padukone's "Its My Choice", yes its the source of the inspiration.

I have been a big harper of the fact that its my life and I will do whatever it takes for me to live life on my terms. But somehow this gets translated to the term arrogance. We are doing what others want us to do. For the best example, I have to marry so that my parents social status remains intact. Welcome to the middle class family story. Its like those typical bollywood stories of the 70s, A helpless mother, an old father, an unwed sister sitting near the window awaiting her prince on the white horse. If we are talking about the 70's then lets make on thing clear, women at that times never had much options. They were barely educated, ambitious and social. The only reason why they existed in this world is to get married, have sons and haress thier daughter in laws. And if by mistake they had girls then its like the worst crime that poor women has committed. She becomes a helpless poor soul searching for rich grooms for her daughters so that she can pay them dowry in return for their daughters.........Bullshit!!!!

Lets face it people we are living in 21st century and I am in  a much better position today. If I don't want to get married I don't. Its as simple of that. But.... We still live in a very dilusional world, so my choice becomes my arrogance. Well so be it. This videos about My choice comes in the right time and I share it with my sister. She does not agree to certain parts of the videos which is fine as she is entitle to her opinion. But making a mockery of this is an old habit that may not die fast. So there comes jokes, sub videos and message, which trust me are hilarious and super funny. 

The issue here is that people have understand that others too have a choice, you got to respect it. By mocking someone and saying "Let her learn the hardway" or her mind is getting rusted" or "Shes frustrated" does not help. Its simple, I don't like florescent so I wont wear it. I don't believe in marriages I wont get married. ITS MY CHOICE.

Life is all about the choices we make and the path we choose to get there. I strongly believe that there is no right and wrong in anyone's life. Its a choice that I made, respect it.

The Great Expectation

The absence of something make you realise the importance of it in your life. I hate summers. The only reason why I always waited for this season is mangoes and my birthday. Mangoes are now easily available in all seasons thanks to this new era of technology "Har Mausam Aam" and birthdays are now meant to be spent in solitude. But nevertheless i still hate summers. Sometimes it makes me wonder if we have switched the planetary position with Venus? It just gets hotter by the day. This is when I realised the importance of rains. Since then I have been singing. Rain Rain come again... Little nattu
wants to play... Lolzz

With all these thoughts I walked by the station heading towards my cute little paradise called home, I stumbled upon two incidents. The first one goes like this. As I exited my office premise I started walking on the pathway desperately trying to halt a taxi. There were two aunties already waiting on the spot before me. I continued to walk ahead and to my surprise a taxi agreed to drop me at my destination. This was not fair. They were waiting much before me. For a moment a did think to give them a ride, but taxiwalas here behave as if you have asked for their kidney or their liver. I didn't want to get into an argument so I royally ignored them and continued my journey to the station. Caught my train and headed home.

At my home station I came across the other incident. As I was climbing the bridge, there was a man in front of me. He skipped a step and fell. Like any normal person I leaped at him and offered my helping hand. He was up and promptly accompanied by his daughter. All I was expecting at this stage was a little "Thank You". However the uncle behaved as if nothing happened and just walked away like a normal Mumbaikar. I smiled and continued my journey.

These two accidents were very different, however still the same. The two aunties expected me to ask them for a lift while uncle did not even bother to say thank you. While helping others we often think what's in store me. Why should I do it? What will he do in return for me and when we do good to other we still complaint of how insensitive the other person can be. We, the civilised modern society are practically trained to expect something in return for everything that we do. That's exactly where we falter in our lives trying to find the perfect balance, the perfect mojo but we cannot fulfill everyone's expectations. All we can do is at least try to change something.

Hence this is the day I decide to lead my life by example. Do it yourself.. Inspire to aspire.. All the best...

The Missing Sunset...

Travelling by air has its own benefits or perks that you may call. You save time but you also get free goodies. The one in my collection is called the eye pack/ cover. Just tied it around your eyes and suddenly its night. The best part of a Sunday is when you wake up early morning, realise its a Sunday, put on your eye cap and go back to sleep. Classic.

But on the contrary, you don't really get to see the beautiful early morning sunrise. Very few people understand this as a spiritual experience.

In this super fast world, our individual lives have got complicated. Its just busy. Running after the train, catching the bus, trying to catch the auto back home. In all this mess we have forgotten to appreciate nature.

I left early from work today. Mom had given me a task to pick up some masala from churchgate ( her new obsession this month... Pickle making). I took the usually longer route to reach the shop. At 6.30 pm, the sun was beginning to set. The hazy orange sky made it look like a mosaic painting. It was beaaautifullll!!! ...... A little walk opened a new dimension for me. The beauty of nature. What was different about this you may ask. Nothing ... Nothing at all. What made all the difference is that I looked at the sunset today after so many days. Kept my phone in my pocket and just observed the beautiful serene nature.

Yes indeed,  it was a very spiritual experience. The sunrise gives us a new hope to live another day, but the sunset tell us to rest as another hectic day is awaiting me. The sunset was never missing, it was me that missed then entire point of it.

What women want??...... Just a little more

Travelling in the train daily could be the most barbaric experience you could ever have. You are crushed, bruised, tortured and strangled. And I don't mean it metaphorically, but literally barbaric. But it does show you who we as people have become. Its our choice that makes us barbaric. Nevertheless, its a brilliant time to reflect on various aspects of your life. Observing people who travel daily can be a very educating experience. So here's what I reflected on today.

My daily routine ensures that I take a fast train. Every morning and getting a seat to sit is like job none of us get paid for. With my skills (ahem ahem) I managed to  procure a seat. There was this another lady who was also boards the train with me. She has an arthritis problem and like a good Samaritan I offered my seat to her. With a gracious smile she sat and thanked me for it. Just after ten minutes she got up and asked me to sit for sometime. I insisted  that  she sits as we were already approaching the station. But she still did and said " Thoda baithne milega toh accha lagta hain, aap baitho". We all in our lives strive for that thoda extra. Whether its our personal problem or a commute issues, or our relationships.

This was exactly the problem i was facing with my other quest of finding a husband. What we women want is something that we women also don't know. I met this guy who had everything going. A good job, a stable income, a houses etc etc. But there was this something that was missing. I could not even talk to him or rather I had to become Dan brown to decipher his statements. I had made up my mind to cut  him out. My funda is very simple. If I can't talk to him I can't marry him. So a forced meeting on Sunday ensured that I did not take it forward and ended it there. This is exactly what I had planned for and exactly what I wanted.

I came home a little disappointed. I had no idea why. Was the feeling of ending a relationship killing or the fact that I may never find someone who loves me for who I am.  I was restless the whole night, had a very incomplete sleep. Turning from one side to the other, I don't know why. I wish he spoke well and had some manners. This is exactly the little more that we all look for in our lives.

Life is beautiful. The way it is given to us is amazing. What we make of this life is entirely our choice.  What differentiates us from the saint? .. Its the want for a little bit more. What is this want for that extra "more"? I have an amazing Honda city, but I still aspire to posses a BMW, that's "More". I think its pretty natural for  all of us. They call it ambition here

The want for that extra topping, the fourth seat in a local train, the words free on a product, we all want more. The day we realise that we should have what we need and not what we desire, our lives would be less complicated.  Life is a journey that you never planned for. So just walk!!!