The Pain of being in LOVE

This one's for your darling....

You may never know the pain of loss, if you never enjoyed the happiness of holding it... Anonymous

Love is a very strange term, it make you'd cry, it makes you laugh, is make you dream it makes you sleep.... These are moments, simply turn to memories later.

Fortunately, we all live in a time and country where we as a women can choose what we want, whom we want ... This may be the wrong decision but it's still mine.

Many relations don't work. Friendship turns sour. When you can fall in love, you can also fall out of love... Don't blame your self for something that is not fault.

Cry it out, let it loose. Don't regret not letting it go.. but once it's out don't let it come back.

We all go through trails and tribulations. We all pass the rough seas, but you need to sail. If it had to be over, then you wouldn't survive. And if you have... There is more than meets the eye....

Wait some thing better appears. It's just a turn not the end of the road....
You are strong, beautiful and amazing. Tell these tales to your kids when you are old..

Always remember -  Don't cry it's over... Smile it happened...... The may be a suprise at the corner of the road!!!

Love you!!!!!

A Farewell note...

So Madam .. The umbilical cord has finally been cut. 

Your 14 year long association with this company would have in itself been an incredible journey and no words would be sufficient to replace this feeling.

Four years ago, I joined the organization not knowing anything about this industry. A lot of scepticism also plagued me for a long on what am I supposed to do. Little was I aware that I would receive such beautiful helping hands that would not only care but also nurture me along the way. You were one of them. :-)

We had our share of discussion, quarrels, disagreements but i think we grew above all this. This was only possible as the wonderful person that you are never allowed all this to disrupt us. I still cherish all the Christmas gifts that you sent me. They are proudly displayed on my table. 

I know now that you embark on a new journey with your loved one, across a different country, but I know that you will definitely find a guardian angel there as well. Goodenss always finds a way.

I want to take this opportunity to thank you for everything and wish you all the luck in this world. May you prosper abundantly  and find what you are looking for in life.  I will not miss you as I will still stay connected (even if you don't want to).

And finally.. God bless you!!

The Story of a Princess

As a girl, I was very fascinated with barbie dolls, fairy tales and dragons. The fascination has not yet died and fairly tales still intrigue me, make we want more.

As you readers must have realized that the Mumbai local train is a great teacher. All you need is an observant eye. But my today's story relied more around what I observed outside the station. Daily as I cross the subway, I see a group of beggars placed very strategically in the subway. Previously they used small children, thanks to slumdog millionaire the focus has now shifted to older women. Seeing them daily you realize they are not usual beggar. The way they dress, the way they behave and most importantly their clothes are not soiled. They don't beg but just sit around waiting patiently for that nickle sound to hit their bowl.

These old ladies are employed by someone to beg and they are merely paid a salary. The princess in this story is not born out of royalties, she is rather a normal women who is still probably working for her prince. Not a proud moment for her but life's brutality never left her with an option. She needs this job to take care of her offspring and her husband.

When a girl child is born, its not a proud moment in people's lives. They bring her up as it's their job. All these girls were taught that your prince charming will come on a white horse and will hush you off to his palace. When the time for their marriage arrived, they went with what their heart told them to do and gave it their all. This is when disappointment sets in. The failure of not living like a princess starts killing them inside. Kids grow up, husband's are not worthy of their sacrifice, the poor princess is now forced to beg to make ends meet.

It's a humbling story of every women. I can't change their fate but can express my thoughts. My princess is tired and old,  but still putting up a strong front. These women are every princess in their own right. Beautiful from outside and inside. Thier demons are poverty, hunger and society, still they continue fighting. Life is not a fairy tale, but things get really bad when we give up and over think something too much. Specially something that we can't control. Take each day as it comes and smile. It may not resolve the issue but at least help you fight it better.

So next time you see an old lady begging... Don't consider her to be helpless.. but rather a fighter who has not quit living.. A princess in every every true sense.

God bless..

THE CELEBRATION OF “ME”

Diwali is around the corner.. Yipeee… It of course means that there is amazing goodies that I get to eat during this time. My diet is rightfully tossed outside the window and devouring fried chaklis becomes my eternal right. Diwali is a very Important festival in India and a very concrete  part of my life. Though we never celebrate this festival in our house, we did so in our locality. Bursting cracking, chatting with friends, having a street war with the children of the other localities, showing off my new clothes etc etc etc….

Flashforward 2016 , nothing seems to change. The gully war have become more corporate and moved to air conditioned place. These are now called aisle and cubicle. So like very year, we planned on a gala Diwali office festival.  An entire day of celebrations, bling clothing and games.  Stratergizing the event two week before the celebrations, we decide to dress in a traditional saree.  I don’t own a very glamorous collection of sarees cause its one of those wears that I rarely wear. The one which I wore last year obviously, I cant repeat them again, so I plan to buy a saree. I come home and excitedly tell my mother that I want to buy a new saree. My mom most instinctively tells me that “From now onwards you will never wear any saree again. You looks disgusting and like a very old women. When you wear a saree the entire world laughs at you. Don’t make a fool of yourself and me”.

Honestly I was expecting my mother to reject my notion of wearing a saree caused its one attire that she never liked, but these words took me by surprise. I was disappointed. I left the topic, but it never left my mind. I just realized that there was not one moment in my life that I was every appreciated for. I grew up being told that I am wrong.I always have been, I don’t analysie, I don’t this and don’t that, the blacksheep  etc etc etc. I was never once told that you are different and its ok to be one. Never heard an appreciation, never did anything right. I don’t blame them. I am not like other kids, but my difference was never celebrated. Hmmmm.

Well, disappointments bring you to think and think very hard. Saree in this story is just an example of how we let other change our thinking. You should wear this, you should think that, we live in a society, we are answerable to them blah blah blah blah. We start living a very pre conceived notion of what is right and what is wrong. Things are that traditionally done are right cause its just done and we should do it too. I have never understood this concept and probably will never understand as well. I do things because it makes me happy not because I want to show the world.

This bring me to a very important realization.  I know I am different and I am very proud of it. At 32 I am fat, not married, don’t have kids, but that does not mean I am less me. I am proud to be me. Don’t let society norms obstruct you from finding your true self. Focus your energy on doing the right not on thinking what is wrong and why it happened. Rejoice because if you are still alive, it means that is lots for you to do. Today I celebrate “Me”….

BTW… I am still buying that saree for my self.

Excuse - Me... Where is the time??

All of us have one good reason not to do something. Whats your?

 

There are different places where you can learn stuff like school, collage and various institutions. But I have a different teacher. It's called "The Mumbai Local train". This is the best way to observe and understand the human emotion. I learn something new each day and today was no different. So here goes my learning.

Following my daily religious path I run toward the station and boarded the local train. Getting into the train is a task in itself, which I am very proficient in….ahemm!! ahemm!!!.  Once in, the next mammoth task is finding the seat. It's like searching for your long lost brother who was lost many years ago. When you get the seat you feel like Nirupa Roy, the famous Indian mother …. who has tears rolling her eyes once she sees her sons. Till such time I don't know anyone in the train. Once settled with all this tamasha, your memory starts coming back and you start behaving like someone who lost her eyes and can now see again. Main dekh sakti hoo...

Nevertheless, getting back to my story,  I find my yapper friend in the train as well. I try to duck and hide as usually was spotted by her. So she started talking and talking and talking. I try cutting her in between and then she again starts talking about various stuff , like her life, her kid etc etc. Talking we stumble upon a topic of our hobbies. She tells me that she loves to paint and maybe be interior decoration. She wanted to professionally take this up but somehow got lost in the race of life to make a living. Her focus now is her job, her son and finally a little house work. I somehow feel this is fare as your family becomes the first priority. I recommended a friend of mine who teach painting to children. She could go for a Sunday class. She then tells me the work that she has on Sundays and her evening shopping ritual. She flatly refuses as she does not have the time for herself. She lists atleast 15 things that she needs to do in the day that occupy her time. In all this list of her’s, she exhausted by the end of the day. The “time kidhar hain” weapon is at work again.

This actually made me think about all that she said.  I don’t sympathize or empathize with her, but rather identify with her. Aren’t we all like that. We dwell in the mythical world of “Time kidhar hai”, which means where is the time?? Contrary, we how find time to give special attention to our best friend whats apps, facebook , instagram etc etc, but we don’t have the time for our self. This medium take aways hours of daily life but somehow its unaccounted for. I don’t have a problem with these system, I just feel they rob away too much from you and make you underappreciated yourself a lot.  

I know many people have said this time and we fail to understand, but its not that difficult. In this fast pace life, we have forgotten how to enjoy the fresh breeze, enjoy a nice guitar lesson, a piano class, a painting session, a theater play etc etc. We can make time but we don’t want to.

It’s finally our choice and life and what we make of it. It’s one life and indeed a short one. Live your dreams now!!!

The power of HOPE

I had almost given up writing as I was too busy running after everything else... My two friends brought different perspective about the joy of writing. So here my learning goes..

A couple of years ago my family was faced with a very difficult situation. The birth of my sister's second child. It is supposed to be the most beautiful phase of a women's life, but in our case it was nothing less than hell.

In the seventh month of pregnancy, my sister was diagnosed with rubella a kind of German Measeals.  What this virus apparently does is affects the growth of the child in the womb only. The limbs may be distorted, the mind may not work, chances of a retarded child increase with this virus in your blood. The doctors without thinking suggested the abortion of the child.  In the seventh month the abortion is more like a delivery. So you get the kid out and its done.... Ouch
..

The moment of Joy had suddenly turned into a grimm situation. There was no doctor in Mumbai whom we did not consult but the same answer. After days of though my sister decided to give birth to the child irrespective of the consequences. No easy decision friend. The result was nice cute absolutely health baby. She is nothing more than a miracle in our lives

So what made the difference. I would say God, the almighty. The other call it HOPE. Technically it should not even exit. It's just the end of the tunnel. That's when your heart refuses to give up and makes sure you see the light. It was very easy for us to go to a doctor and just deliver the child. However we choose the person who gave us hope. A ray of light

I met another person who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown down. Does not know what to do beyond a point. A black out. But what is important is finding that ray of hope with a positive mind.

Hope is a practise that should be followed religious like any other good habbit. Wash your hands before food, take a bath, chew your food etc etc. Teach you kids to have hope. Even thinking about it brings a positive energy and make the impossible possible.

Never ever give up. Life is beautiful, full of trials, error, up and down. But one things that God gives us is hope for a better tomorrow.
perspectives to me.

A wound that I nurtured

I know it sounds gross but I actually have a very nasty boil on my stomach, and boy it hurts L L. Something that I cant control but I have to nurture it round the clock, taking care that no one bangs into me or I sure will bang them. I almost feel like a pregnant woman, who is taking care of her baby. The main difference here is I don’t want this baby. Due to this I am super cranky, feverish, irritated and practically bed ridden.

Apart from my very defective body, I also have a defective ear (I am partly deaf). This is the occurrence of my constant endeavor with the ear bud. The ear bud company is fine, but I just like to attack the root cause of the situation (pun intended). Nothing that I can do now, but take care of it and ensure it gets better. If you look at it, many things can be controlled. Like my little experiment my weight for the matter of fact are the main cause of the boil.

Just like that all of us nurture certain wounds from relationships. My mother, sister, father, friend, colleagues any body. We all just find a reason to continue nurturing this wound. Not matter how bad or rotten, we still need it like a constant reminder of what happened to us. Let go people. Life is too short for all this mess. You have two options in life either you hold or you let go and embrace the future. The choice is all ours.

Nurture the joy not the pain, nurture the happiness not the sorrow. Its your life make a choice and make it fast.

PS – It hurts man… sob sob…. L L

The God of convenience's

I can't get up on Sunday morning to go to church .. Why do I need to pray only on a Wednesday and Friday... Why fast... God does not want to see me hungry.. Blah blah blah!!!

There are rules and there are people who follow it religiously. Whether it has meaning or not but we still do. We twist and turn custom as per our comfort. This little piece of information is true for all cultures and religions.

Incident 1: The broken statue

I was cleaning my alter at home and there I notice that one of mother Mary's statue is broken. Since I have another statue I will absolutely fine to discard it. So I keep this on the table and tell my mom to discard it. Mom in return informs me that she will do it next week when she goes to church. Which simply translates to leave it, I will do when when I feel. So being a little irritated, I volunteered to do it my self. My sister is super upset because I am practically throwing away God from my house. She asks me " how will u discard it". I said I will throw it in the dustbin what else. To which she is hysterical and give me a look as if I have just ordered the destruction of the planet. I then go on to ask her what to do, to which she says either u give it to the church or put it in the water. I have a really hard time absorbing this information and I jump asking her "what".. Her usual response " what, what??" Just don't use ur brains and do it. The conversation gets more interesting. What will the church do?. The and was more amusing. Let them do whatever they want you don't use ur head.

The church would also crush these statues and then dispose them in the dustbin. Most of these statues are made of plastic so discarding them in water is the worst idea thus spoiling the most beautiful creation of God.

Incident no 2-

My neighbour is a nice, very religious lady. Her day starts with cleaning the house , then taking a shower, prayers etc. One day she saw me throwing away my used garland in the regular waste. She hysterically asks me "yeh kya kar rahi hain" (what are u doing). I said " kachra phek rahin hoo" .  As per her I should preserve this in a plastic bag and then respectfully throw it away. That's exactly what she does. So all those flowers will be rotting away in a plastic for a month and its finally given to someone to dispose them of. I was just curious.. What's different in what I do. I just have a daily process and not monthly activity. I tried to explain all these facts, but it was to no avail.

Incident 3-
Same Aunty has a fast today. And she's stocked up sabudana, mungfali , potatoes, fruits, some singhada atta paratha etc etc. All these things ensure that you stomach is over stuffed so its technically not a fast. The sages who introduced these wanted to pass on a simple message. Let your body relax and your mind be nourished . but then we have made it convenient for us all.  Upwas mein yeah sab chalta hain.

Incident 4 -  The ganpati pandal.

I have amazing memories of this festival
It included a ten day celebrations in the form of melas , food, orchestra etc. But now it's so commercialised. During one of these days I visited on pandal and my.. It was beautiful. But the issue with this was the music,while we were waiting in line the songs that we heard were munni badnaam hui and sheila ki jawani. People are visiting a holy place you can play this crap. Some men in the crowd start swaying to this in the line. I don't get it. Why do we have to commercialise God?

All these incidents are from my experience with God. From where you belong, any religious, caste, community, does not matter. Our rituals are all the same. God is not found only in temples or churches or in statues. If you cannot keep God in your heart then you will only complicate your life.! Keep God simple and you will be happy.

Thank You Wali Aunty

Well, my day started nothing different. Same silly train, same silly life. In all this madness, reaching home early was like an achievement. It just felt like winning a gold medal in the swimming competition or like climbing the mount Everest. I reached station before the sun could actually set. In all this I got a call from my mother asking about my wear abouts. This is one activity for my mom that is equivalent to going to church or cooking etc. Its her daily job and she does it religiously. 

I receive the call and mom started her routine question, where are you, had something, did you eat wada pav etc etc. I happened to realize that she is in the train just behind me. So we decide to meet on the station and go home together. She finally arrives and we start walking together. The first halt of our epic journey was the pani puri wala. Later, as we start walking home, my mom get a call from my sister stating that my niece wants to eat chicken curry made by mom. With a big smile she leads me the the best chicken shop in the vicinity. I dont know whats best about it as all the shops sell  chicken. Nevertheless, I just walk the long journey with her. 

On our way, we make various pit stops like the pudinawala, the mirchi wala, the lasoon wala etc etc. while collecting the samaan from everyshop my mom ensured that she said "Thank You" in return. This small gesture always brought a smile to every small vendor, who now felt as important as the others. This was infectious as the next customer that they greeted was a happy one.

This entire episode brought back my memories of my childhood. Being brought up in a small city, you know the importance of smaller things in life. When i was a child i used to visit mom to various vegetable vendors in the city. Because she was a regular there all the vendors used to call her "Thank you wali Aunty". Being villager, they never knew the meaning of this word, so mom used to say thank you and translate that in Hindi saying "Dhaniywaad". The smile on their faces was unimaginably. Mom has not changed from then to now. The thank you still remains.

My mom may not have the best of resources, the world of money, but the one thing she taught us is to be humble and grounded. Where ever you go in life never forget your roots. She had her moments, her days, her anger, her reasons, her computer illiteracy, her love but she stood by us like rock solid and never left us. She is still connected with the invisible umbilical cord. I guess that what mothers do. 

Not sure if I can ever become the second "Thank you wali Aunty", but I can ensure to pass this on to my next generation. Love you mom!!!!

Me, Myself

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away to the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"

Three loves that I have finally recognised. Food, Dance and Entertainment. At the end of the day the best way to unwind is switch on the music and pretend that I am a yashraj heroine with a yashraj hero, on the Alps dancing to a romantic number just makes my day. There is no one judging you, appraising you, commenting on you but just you in the solace of time.

Trying to loose my excess weight is another challenge that I face, but as I said every problem has a solution, so I found mine. "Zumba". Weight loss in the fun way.. I found some class and enrolled for a free session. Being an Indian anything that come free brings a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face.

So I catch a fast train (out of desperation) and reach the venue around 40 mins early. Waiting at the entrance was the only option that I had. Sitting and twittering I peak through the glass and see some teenagers dancing. I was mesmerised. Not by what they did, but how they did it. At that moment I regretted not taking up my this love for dancing when I had the time. I wish I had learnt dance professionally when I was in my teens, in my 20. Life would have been different. I was this cute naive little girls lost in my own confusing world. Food became my friend instead of my strength. All that was added was the pile of excess weight on my body.

There are so many thing I regret not doing in my twenty's. And there will be so many things that I will regret not doing when I am old. Truly said, in your death bed you will not appreciate the things that you did did but the ones that you never did.

Life is tooo small. There is no rewind button. Do what you always wanted to do. Something that makes you happy. It's the moments that's build your memory not what you achieved. So lets dream and live life never to regret.

Enjoy!!!!